Don’t put a girl on a pedestal
Most likely the biggest mistake that many guys make at one time or another when dating is to put a girl on a pedestal. This is very common.
It creates a problem that can be devastating to your overall life if left unchecked.
This can literally shake your foundation of confidence and slowly eat away at it.
Most guys end up learning this the hard way, but you can completely prevent it if you pay close attention to what I’m about to teach you.
She’s the best girl in the world
Putting a women on a pedestal is best described as when you start to think that a girl is absolutely perfect and none other can compare.
When you start to have strong feelings for a girl your natural instincts can lead you to get strangely nervous around her, have doubts about her feelings for you, worry about her leaving you, or even give in to requests of her’s that you’d usually never oblige.
You’ve become mentally dependent on her.
By far the most fucked up part is that this can even happen to you with a girl that you aren’t dating, just one that you’ve been crushing on.
If you spend more time thinking about how a certain girl feels than you do thinking about how you feel yourself, then sorry bro – you’ve put a girl on a pedestal and are setting yourself up for some serious issue in the near future.
The consequences of this situation can destroy your confidence and self beliefs, so I am going to help you become aware of the symptoms, how it gradually develops, and then how to prevent the situation from happening ever again.
It starts out feeling like a dream
Putting a girl on a pedestal in your mind will usually happen when you first meet her and get a lot of positive signs and flirting from her.
However, it can still happen at any time.
This most common scenario usually goes like this, so many of you should be able to relate:
You meet a new girl and think she’s smoking hot. Your approach and everything during the initial meeting goes down smooth and you noticed plenty of positive signs that she is feeling you as well. With her number now in your phone or a date already set up, you’re happy.
You’re high on life. What if she is the one?
Your mind is going nuts.
Regardless of what you do, you can’t stop thinking about her. It’s simply impossible.
You keep thinking about all the things she did, going over her actions in your mind trying to determine just how much she might like you.
Although you know that nobody is perfect, nevertheless whenever you think about this particular girl you begin to imagine perfection.
She’s way better than the rest. Right?
Then it turns into a nightmare
After thinking about her some more, you start to feel nervous when you think about her. All of those great feelings start turning into concerns.
You want to call her and talk to her so you can be reassured that she is still attracted to you, but you’re worried about making a mistake.
Before long she has quite literally invaded your mind to the point that you can’t concentrate on anything else without thinking about her.
You really start to obsess over this girl.
This is unhealthy, but you give zero fucks.
This obsession causes you to be even more nervous at the thought of being around her, and when you are with her you start doing “nice guy” shit like giving in to her demands – every single one of them. Your behavior is a far cry from what it was when you first met her.
In a matter of mere days the guy with rock solid game and confidence that impressed the shit out of her a week ago seems to be completely gone, replaced by someone else.
You forget all of the skills you’ve learned and can hardly think straight when you’re around her, let alone act in a way that will attract her.
The worst part is that at the time you probably don’t even see it happening to you.
You put a girl on a pedestal and don’t know it.
Now you can’t seem to wake up
Realizing that her attraction to you has utterly disappeared, she finds a new guy who fits her desires – usually a guy just like who you were.
When you notice that she’s no longer into to you, you either snap and become angry at her or you snap and get angry with yourself. It’s over.
She’s moved on, but you’re stuck in your head.
You still can’t stop thinking about her and how perfect she was. You know that you can’t have her back and it was all your fault, but you just can’t get over her because like a bad habit she’s become ingrained into your mental process.
You become depressed and the desire to meet new women has long since faded.
In your mind she’s still up on that pedestal you placed her on, and your belief is that no other girl will be able to live up to your vision of her.
It’s not always that severe, but it can get bad.
You can be depressed and frustrated for months. It can be a hard hole to dig out of.
It’s time to future proof yourself
Now that you know why it’s very bad to put a girl on a pedestal and how it happens, lets look at what causes this to happen and how you can prevent this nightmare before it ever starts.
The first mistake came the night you met her.
When you go out to meet girls, try to have at least a few other options at all times, and spread out your time between them equally.
If you’re just starting out and don’t have a bunch of options, make sure you talk to multiple girls when you go out instead of just being satisfied with the first one that shows interest in you and completely focusing on just her.
This is particularly true for a girl you really like.
If you go for multiple girls in the same night and they see it, it will also make them jealous and their attraction for you will increase.
This will keep you from concentrating all of your game on one girl to the point where she is the only girl you pay attention to when you just met her and the attraction isn’t shared.
When you are still in the beginning stages of developing connections with women, try to be dating or trying to gain the attraction of multiple girls at the same time so you’ll have many options available to you.
If you’re planning to start a relationship with a girl, make sure to still keep your other options open until the deal is sealed beyond any doubt.
When you meet the girl at the club, just get to know her a little bit and then stop when you get her number, don’t linger for too long.
Meet multiple girls every night so you have more than one on your mind when you go home. Even better yet; have something besides for women on your mind to distract you.
Being around friends can be very handy.
Open your eyes to the real truth
The next mistake was thinking she’s perfect.
No matter how hot she was – and she should have been, you shouldn’t settle for someone you aren’t attracted to – she does has flaws.
She is not perfect and she never will be perfect.
Your mind just tricked you into that false belief.
That’s what happens when you put a girl on a pedestal – rational thinking disappears.
Try to focus on the flaws in her appearance, her personality or anything else you can remember. You’ll find something if you look.
There is always something.
You just have to open your eyes to truly see it.
You became someone you’re not
The last mistake was changing yourself.
Why would she like you at first and then gradually lose her interest in you over time – while your attraction to her only increased?
The answer is simple:
You were a different person when you met her.
In the beginning you played it cool and confident. You didn’t really give a fuck because you had not yet invested anything in her.
Then as time progressed – you regressed.
Can you really blame her for losing her attraction to you? If she acted like a feminine and sexy woman when you first met her but then turned into a complete scumbag on your first date and you found out she had a bad drug habit, wouldn’t you change your mind?
She’s not really the person you thought she was.
This new one really is perfect!
Bullshit. She isn’t any more perfect than you are.
So you don’t put a girl on a pedestal the next time you find a good one that you really hit it off with, follow these simple rules:
Don’t be constantly thinking about her, try to have other things on your mind. Do things to get your mind off of girls in general.
Let her call you and talk to you, let her know that you are independent and don’t need her. She’ll become more attracted to you.
If you find out she isn’t attracted to you, don’t go off on her, just brush it off and act like nothing happened and you don’t need her.
Also, don’t settle for any of that “we can still be friends” bullshit. There’s no such thing as a “girl friend” that you used to desire.
Just remove her from your life.
If no attraction is there, stay away.
You are the man, and any girl would be lucky to be able to enjoy your company, so go out and play the field with that in mind.
Get your mind off of her, fast.
If you do all of those things she should be out of your mind in no time and not a problem. If you followed the steps I listed above then next time you won’t put a girl on a pedestal to begin with.
There is a fine line between being in a relationship and being obsessed. You can be in a relationship and still be a man about it.
Most people have to learn the lesson I just explained the hard way, which isn’t very fun. If you can prevent this situation from happening, you’ll save yourself a lot of time and trouble.
Don’t become dependent on a girl. Know that she’s not perfect just like you and is as lucky to have you as you are to have her.
To take this even further, in my book – How To Be A Jerk Like Me – I don’t just teach you not to put a girl on a pedestal, I’ll show you my simple tactic for making them put YOU on a pedestal!
When you’re ready to learn more, go check the book out.
– The Jerk