Learn the necessary conversation techniques and become great at talking to women. Learn what to say to women and how to say it in many critical situations. Being social is an important skill to have, so master it.
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Conversation Tips - Learn the necessary conversation techniques and become great at talking to women. Learn what to say to women and how to say it in many critical situations.
Flirting Tips - It is vital for any player to know how to flirt with women if he wants to pick them up. Learn all of the best flirting tips to improve your skills at flirting with women.
Inner Game Tips - Learn tips that will teach you how to be confident around women and how to believe in yourself. An often overlooked, yet very important aspect of the game.
Outer Game Tips - These tips are for learning how to act around women, and can teach you what to do to make women want you. Learn how to behave around women.
Lifestyle Tips - The way you live your everyday life has a greater impact on relationships with women than you think! These tips will help you lead a lifestyle women are drawn to.
Dating Tips - Use this section to master the art of dealing with relationships, how to handle the first date, where to go on a date, and many other great strategies for dating women.
User Submitted Tips - These tips have been sent in by players wanting to add their knowledge to the Becomeaplayer.com resource. Don't forget to send in your own tips as well!
The Conversation Tips...
Talk about Places!
Most women are interested in Traveling or exotic places. I've always gone to the Dominican Republic to party and I find that many upper class Europeans go there. Don't be afraid to learn a few different districts of world cities like Berlin or London. Ex: Oh where are you from sugar? I'm from Tarnow, Poland. Oh? Tarnow!?! I had a friend in Dabrowska Tarnow for a few years! I'd love to come again! It allows you to start a conversation and get invited to their homes and get guaranteed booty calls in the future while traveling. If traveling domestic, don't be afraid to mention (but not brag) about all the fun European cities you've been to. Talk more about the people and culture than how cool it is to travel and be rich. Even if you've never been outside of your home town, say you've been anywhere. London, Paris, and Milan are big cities that excite women. I have been to Europe a few times but I love talking to women in America about my travels. They are instantly fascinated! But beware, many European vacationers in Mexico and the Caribbean aren't too impressed with your travels. Mention there countries and their neighborhoods. ( BONUS POINTS = I learned about 10 phrases in Spanish, French, German, Polish, Russian, and Dutch! If you hear them talking in that language, say a simple phrase. Then they'll probably say Sprechen Sie Deutsch or Parlez vous francais or whatever. Say a small bit in that language and then introduce yourself in English) I was smart enough to figure that trick out at age 13! It literally has worked 100%!!!!! -Jonny
No frills online opener
Lately, I've been trying to improve my way of attracting girls over the internet. I searched new ideas and tips that helped me a little bit. But the authors were always saying "you can use this, But find out what works best for you" I would always say to myself "i don't think I'm that creative" But I've noticed the more you experience,the more Nice developed ideas come to you. A lot of guys always have this one girl on facebook or myspace that they are trying to talk to. But just can't seem to find a nice opener to start things out with. Well i have something that might help you guys and it works quite fine for me. Add the girl you've been having your eye on. Wait maybe a week after you've added her.Then after a week is up, Chat her up and say "Hey i never knew i had a "Emily zaldo as a friend"It's really important to wait at least a week. Because if you chat her up like 3 days later and say that, her reply will most likely be "You added me 3 days ago retard.." Good luck to every player out there. And i hope this tip helped someone! - Alvin
This tip is CRUCIAL, can make or break it with a target, and will keep your mind sharp and alert after a bit of trial and error but does require a lot of active listening. Girls will always drop in little words in their sentences hoping you will pick up on them! this is where the active listening definitely helps and where a girls "anti-slut" defense come into play. And example of this is while out, a friend of mine was on form, tuning this girl working in a cigarette stall and doing very well. She had to get back to work and he noticed she was finishing up in the stall, and said to me, "ok, I've got to ask her out for a drink". He waited until she was on her own away from the stall and approached her asking to go out for a drink sometime. Her reply was, "oh I'm actually kind of seeing someone at the moment". Now honestly, how many of you picked up on the word/s she dropped in there? .."kind of", THAT is part of a girls "anti-slut" defense, yeah she may be seeing a guy, but the "kind of" lets you know shes interested in you but doesn't want to come across as being a slut, and because you picked up on the 'kind of' shes still fair game so keep working your magic. It takes a bit of practice to pick up on these, but once you do, you cant help but pick up on these subtle hints every time. - Shaymis
Don't believe what they say
Never take what a woman says at face value! Iím not saying that women intentionally lie all of the time, but you must learn that a womanís desires and actions are never consistent with what they say. Women act based on their emotions, not their logic. Therefore, even if a woman believes something to be true, thatís not always the case. For example, girls will say all the time that they arenít attracted to short guys and end up dating a midget. Itís because that midget had confidence and didnít care what she said, because it has no effect on his game. Never let anything a woman says (besides obvious rejection) deter your game or confidence. Keep on with your game, and you will surprise yourself when you find out how little women know about their own desires! - GoinPhoenix
Not In Agreement
One of the biggest things AFC's do that women (and non-AFC men) can really pick up on is agreeing for the sake of agreeing. Have your own opinions, and if you see that just so happen to genuinely agree with 5 things in a row, don't let it be known that you agree on those 5 things. It'll make you seem needy as shit. AFC's don't just do this to girls, they do it to alpha males, or anyone who they value more than themselves or anyone they think is cool. You might as well kill yourself if you have nothing to bring to the table, no one wants someone with no input. - Papi Stick
Picked this up from DD. Going to develop what Papi said. Of course its AFC to just keep agreeing with a chick. You have to tease her about stuff she likes and create tension which leads to attraction. But your goal is to create a rapport. You do this by saying stuff like me too. Not necessarily agreeing but providing a connection instead. You should be saying me too as much as you can, you just shouldn't make a big deal out of it every single time. You should say things like me too, but make it casual and move the conversation along. - Wood
Whenever a girl is acting strangely, I always comment on it to her. Because trying to figure out the reasoning behind it is like shaking a box and trying to guess what's inside.. It's a guessing game. The only real way to know is to actually OPEN the box. Sometimes the girl isn't even aware of her own behavior, and pointing it out to her will give her some needed self-reflection. Other times, the girl has something in her mind that she's upset with you about, something that you did, or didn't, do.. maybe something that she heard, or suspects. It could even be something as random as her being reminded of an ex-boyfriend by something you said. And instead of talking about it with you, she'll instead act out her emotions in a bitchy/tantrum sort of way and expect you to figure things out and correct your own behavior. Guys tackle problems logically.. we look for a solution from point A to point B. Girls deal with problems emotionally.. their emotions drive their actions, and the only "logic" that matters to the girl is behaving in conjunction with how she feels. So yeah, if it were me, I'd go straight to the source, (her), and find out what's up. Otherwise you may never know. But only when the timing is right. - Player87
Watch your eyes
One of the biggest indicators of status in a conversation is where the participants are looking. We all know that gazing down while speaking implies inferiority, and that looking straight into the other person's eyes shows confidence. But what should you do when not talking? By looking at the speaker you show complete attention, but by looking away you show some slight detachment. So by looking at your target while talking and away when listening you show that you're confident, while making her work to hold your attention. Don't make it too extreme (ie staring at other women) but give this a try sometime. - by Goldi
Slow down, fella
When approaching, many guys get caught up in the moment and begin to speak way too fast, especially when they're just starting off. The adrenaline just gets to them and they lose control of their speech. When you talk fast, not only is it harder for women to understand, but also naturally heightens the pitch of your voice, and makes you seem extremely nervous. Take the time to relax and slow down your speech, give her time to enjoy your presence. - by Moose
The art of listening
How would you like to be better with conversations and have friends and girls enjoy talking with you more? How many times does someone tell you their name and a second later you forget it? How many times does someone tell you something then shortly after they have to tell you the same thing? Well you've heard it time and time again: Listen! You may think you are listening to them and holding on a good conversation but odds are you really aren't processing what the person is saying unless you ACTIVELY LISTEN AND PROCESS what they are saying. It is so rare that people do this that when you actually do it, it makes a difference and people can tell. 99.9% of the time we are thinking about what WE are going to say, rather than what the other person is saying. One of the biggest things I've learned that has led to my success socially is that people love talking about things they are passionate about or have a view on. This could be a favorite sports team, a hobby, a current event, or any number of things. After enough practice actively listening you will be able to easily identify topics that you should cherry-pick and will be able to easily thread conversations. Even the shyest person opens up when they are talking about something they enjoy. From then on, YOU'RE IN! Whether you actively listen when talking to friends, girls, or new people you meet, people will enjoy talking to you and having someone actually listen and be interested in what they are saying. - Wispy
Imagination is more important than Knowledge. Think outside the box. Think beyond just giving a line to a girl and hoping that will get you in. Women love it when a guys uses and displays creativity and imagination to talk to them. Dare to be different and dare to try new approaches and styles. In the end it will only enhance you and if you are rejected, at least you will stand out in her mind and who knows where that will take you in the future. - Player87
What's in a Name?
Whenever you greet anyone that you know, always say their name. People love hearing it, especially women. This instantly builds rapport if you use someone's name when you speak to them. If you have trouble remembering names, try this tip out: When you first meet someone, say their name at least 3 times within the first 5 minutes of meeting them. Extra Credit: If you have used a unique nickname they enjoy, then it triples the effect. - Moose
There are 3 questions that 90% of the guys use when trying to open women: "You are so beautiful!" or some variation of this... "Do you have a boyfriend?" or some variation of this... "Can I take you out some time?" or some variation of this. You know what? All these guys all think they have been imaginative. That they used a real tight opener. I suggest NOT using anything like these unless you are going to make fun of the line as part of the opener. For example: Sometimes I'll start with, "You are so beautiful! Now be honest with me; how many times have you heard that lame line?" You can run a whole bad pickup line routine that's fun for the girls. They will want to add their 2 cents. Just make sure to cut the tread and move it quickly to more fertile ground when it passes it's peak. - Player87
For better or worse
This ice breaker is so effective that it can work on just about any type of girl, it's pure gold. Try this : The next time you see a really hot babe that you have never met before say this simple phrase... "Will you marry me?" :) I know it sounds crazy, but if you say it with a smile on your face they will almost always think that you are joking... and in turn they will also be very flattered and think that you are cute and have a good sense on humor. Most girls have waited their entire lives to hear a man say those words to them, and by doing so (even though you are joking) you will be giving them a huge ego boost and they are sure to have a great day
afterwards... and be thinking about you and what you said the entire time. After using this line make sure to try to continue the conversation and end up getting her number or setting up a date!
Fresh and new
When you are having that initial conversation with a new girl always try to keep the topics interesting by asking her questions that she is not used to getting from guys that hit on her and may have never even been asked before. By all means you should try to avoid asking her the typical questions like "Where do you live?", "Where do you go to school or work?" or "What do you do for fun?"... these will always lead to boring conversations resulting in her thinking you are boring as well. Come up with some good unique questions to ask that will keep her on her toes and interested, a good way to do this is to think of a bunch of them while you are at home and write them down, then try to memorize some of them before you go out. Try this a few times and experiment with different questions, you will find that some work better than others but almost all of them are much more effective than those "normal" questions that I described earlier.
Bragging gets you nowhere
I've noticed that many men like to brag about themselves in an attempt to impress women, they think that if they tell a girl about what they own or what they have done it will increase their chances of picking her up. This kind of strategy is probably the worst way to seduce girls in my opinion, and from my personal experiences in life I've found that the people that do the most talking about themselves are always the most insecure of us all. Men that feel the need to prove themselves to women through words are generally the type of guys that always have a ton of detailed stories to tell about how they bang tons of babes... but you never seem to actually SEE them with one. This is because they never really do get any girls, but because of the fact that they know that you have never seen them with any girls... they feel the need to prove themselves to you as well by making up tall tales. Men that like to brag don't get girls because girls are just not attracted to qualities in men that we TELL them that we have, they are attracted to the qualities in men that we SHOW them we have. We've all heard the old saying "Actions speak louder than words" and this is definitely one of the situations in which it applies. The moral of this tip is obvious : Never brag or try to make yourself seem better by talking about yourself to girls, instead show them that you are an attractive guy by letting what you do and who you are speak for you.
Here, let me give you my card :)
Greatest Ice breaker! Get business cards made that have "Smile if you want to sleep with me" printed on them as large as possible. Then approach a woman in a bar or club and hand her one of the cards without saying a word. Nine out of ten women won't be able to hold back a smile, and this creates the perfect opportunity to start a conversation... because the ice has already been broken.
Watch and learn
The best thing to say to a girl you've never met before is something based on observation... look at her clothes, bags and other stuff you can see to get an idea of something she likes then ask her a question about it, after she gives you an answer proceed to introduce yourself. I always try to "learn" as much as possible about a girl before I approach them... it can really suck if you just go in there blind and try to use a "general" line that you can use on any girl, because every girl is different :) Some people may think that it is "creepy" to do research and learn about a woman before you talk to her, but those people are always the ones who wonder why they fail 90% of the time when they try to talk to women, simply because they try to talk to her about something she is not interested in. By "research" I mean observing her for 10-20 second before approaching... not stalking her :)
Ok, your new name is...
When you call a girl up for the first time give her a "nikename" immediately and use it when she picks up, it doesn't have to be a unique nickname just something that only YOU call her, like you can say "Hey sugar" or "What's goin on beautiful". Always do this with new girls because once they get used to you saying it they will get attached to you faster. If you want to get her talking a lot and make your phone conversation last long you can first start off talking to her by using the above nickname tactic to build rapport, then proceed to something like "I was listening to the radio a little while ago and heard this song that goes like (recite the words of the chorus) and I cant figure out who it was, do you listen to (insert what type of music you think she might like)?" then she will say yes and maybe tell you who the singer is but that don't matter... disregard what she says and proceed to ask her who her favorite artists are and she will go off yapping... then listen to anything else she might say that can branch you off into another topic.
Talking about "the nasty"
Talking about sex with a girl is one of the easy-access "doorways" that you can use to get to the point of actually doing it. Here is a sure-fire way to get her talking about sex : Start talking about something the is not related to YOU and HER having sex (because that could scare her off)... but IS related to sex in general, like you could tell her that someone you know had a girls gone wild dvd and you thought it was funny, then ask her if she would even let someone film her doing that sort of thing... then just take it from there. Once you are talking about sex, if at any time she touches you in any way that means your making progress... because girls NEVER touch guys that they are not sexually attracted to.
Really, how bad could it be?
Don't worry too much about WHAT you say when having a conversation with a girl. HOW you say it, and your body language are much more important. Most guys are scared that a girl will laugh at them if they say the wrong thing... but that is simply a myth promoted by fear. I've never once heard of that happening to anyone besides in the movies. It's just not an issue in real life, so stop stressing over it and realize that almost any girl that you talk to will be happy and excited if you just be real with them... don't try too hard to be Cassanova or Don Juan, just be you.
Loud mouth bastards
Don't ever be that loud mouth bastard that's screaming "Let me see some titties!" at the top of his lungs... or hanging out of the passenger window like "Woooo, girl you got a fatty!". These are the type of guys that girls find funny and entertaining... but funny and entertaining does NOT make it to the bedroom. Don't smack girls on the ass in public, or grope them in any way the could embarass them... because once you make them feel uncomfortable around you in PUBLIC, how are they ever going to be comfortable around you ALONE? Think about it.
Something to calm those nerves
If you seem to be very laid back and "smooth" around women that you are not attracted to... but nervous as hell around hot women, try this strategy to help calm those nerves. First remember that you are a confident, suave player... and you can have any woman that you persue. Next look at the particular female from a critic's perspective... instead of focusing your attention on her good traits (and she may have many), focus your attention on her bad traits (and she may have little, but it does not matter). This works because you are now looking at this girl the same way that you look at the ones that you aren't attracted to, which is exactly what you needed to cure that nervousness!
You've gotta keep your head up
If something doesn't go your way, for example if you get rejected by a girl that you really had your eye on for a while... don't EVER let it get you down. That will only make a bad thing worse, and some guys never recover from something like that. Always remember, you are a player, and players don't ever walk around with their heads down. We take the loss, suck it up and move on to the next girl... because there's more fish in the sea than any one man can catch, and with enough skill and practice your bound to catch a big one. So be patient my players, your time will come if it hasn't already. Remember... we all have our bad days.
Use this line! Use this line!
Here is a good opener you can use: Find a woman that you are interested in and when you approach her say "I bet you have a beautiful smile", then smile and wait for her reaction. 99% of the time she will smile back, and when she does say "I knew it" and proceed to start a conversation with her. If she does not offer a reciprocal smile, simply say "I guess not" and walk away.
You've got nothing to lose
The guy who gets rejected the most is the guy who will leave with the most numbers! Quit being scared or rejection and just get out there and do it. The trick is to not think about it, if you start thinking "Should I talk to her or not?" then you will talk yourself out of it. Think about it this way, if you talk to her you might have a 50% chance of being rejected and a 50% chance of success, but if you don't talk to her you have a 0% chance of success. If you don't initiate the conversation it will most likely never take place!
Two birds with one stone
Ever get a woman's number, and when she gave it to you it seemed like she was really into you and that everything would go according to plan, but when you call her she makes up an excuse why she does not want to come out on a date? This is because of the fact that out of sight is out of mind. For instance, when a good salesman is trying to sell you something, he will do almost anything to make the sale before you leave, because if you walk out the door he knows that he will never see you again. This works the same way, you must always get her number AND set up a date when you first meet her, in other words... you must "close the sale". So from now on, replace the phrase "Can I get your number?" with "I'd like to take you out sometime, how about Saturday night?" and when she says ok, say "Cool, is there a number I can reach you at?". Trust me, it works like a rubber glock... anywhere, anytime, and every time :)
Those girls just love anticipation
When you are going to ask a girl out, try this unique trick that will make it much easier for you to do, and the girl much more interested in you: Tell her you are going to ask her out before you actually do. For instance, say something like "I'm going to ask you out, but not right now... I'm not in the mood". The anticipation will drive her nuts, because she has no idea when you are going to ask her out. You will be on her mind 24/7 until you eventually do ask her out, which you should do when she least expects it. You will get a yes almost every time with this technique!
Did anyone say open ended?
The opening line that you say to a woman when you first make your approach is extremely important, and by now you should know that pick up lines are no good. Try these opening lines that are very effective: "Why are you in such a good mood?" or "Why do you look so down?". Use the proper one based on your observations, and you will be very happy with the results. These lines will usually get her talking, because they demand more than a simple yes or no.
You can read this... but can you read those?
Ever have problems talking to girls in nightclubs just because of the simple fact that you can't hear them very well? If so, I've got a simple method to get around this, and that is to improve your lip reading skills. It sounds harder than it actually is, all you need to do is watch some tv! Next time you are watching some tv shows (familiar shows like Friends or Sienfeld seem to work well) put your tv on mute and try to fingure out what they are talking about. If you do this one time each week for 1-2 hours you will be able to read lips extremely well, this skill requires minimal practice to learn!
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