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Every woman is different, with her own personality, so what I'm writing
here is just a generalization. You need to get to know the women you are
with, and find out what she wants. If you aren't willing to do that,
then ask yourself why are you dating her? If all she is to you is a
pretty women to make you look good, you need to re-think your
priorities. I like pretty women too, but if I don't feel that she's my
friend, I don't want to go out with her.
She expects you to be her friend.
What does it mean to be a woman's friend? The same as it does to be a
man's, you have to have some things in common. Note that I said some not
all. No two people are the same, and there will be some things you like,
that she doesn't, and some things she likes that you don't. That's OK,
as long as you have enough in common that you can enjoy being together.
Sometimes you will have to bite the bullet, and do something you don't
really enjoy, and other times it's OK to let her do things without you.
You should be able to expect the same from her too. If she suggests you
go to some event, or whatever without her, believe her when she says
it's OK. You don't get upset when one of your male friends doesn't want
to do something with you, or has interests you don't share, it should be
the same with her. It's good to go out with the boys once in awhile, but
you should usually prefer to be with her, or better yet have her join
you when you do something, she's your friend remember? If you find that
you would rather leave her behind when you are out with your friends,
then you need to ask yourself if you really want to be with her at all.
She expects you to communicate with her.
As a rule when men talk to someone about a problem, they are looking for
answers; women in general are different. They will talk to you about a
problem to express how they feel. They usually aren't looking for answers;
they just want to talk about it to straighten things out in their own minds.
Unless she asks for advice, don't offer it. Just listen, and keep the
conversation going. If she wants advice she will ask for it.
There are some men that still think a woman's opinion doesn't mean anything,
I'm sorry, but if you are one of those men, you need to change your attitude
now! Women are intelligent and capable, and you need to respect her
opinions; you don't need to always agree with them, but she has the right to
her opinions the same as you do to yours.
Be willing to ask for her advice, and to talk to her about whatever is
happening in your life. Be willing to listen to what she has to say, and to
support her when she's having a problem with something. When I say listen, I
mean you need to actually pay attention, she's telling you how she feels,
and you need to know that if you are going to be her friend!
She expects you to understand her sexuality.
Men appear to be UN-emotional when it comes to sex, and operate on pure
lust. That's not true, but we can go from 0 to 100 in 5.2 seconds. It takes
longer for a woman. It takes awhile for a woman to get aroused. I'm not
talking about foreplay in physical terms, but emotional foreplay. It's
little things, like how you look at her when she walks into the room, being
willing to hold her hand in public, saying nice things about her to your
friends, and just letting her know you appreciate her that will get her in
the mood for love. I'm not telling you this to help you seduce your women,
but to help you understand why she's not in the mood when you roll over in
the morning after a night out in the bar.
She expects romance.
OK, you aren't the romantic type, neither am I. You don't need to write
love poems, or send her flowers every day. Little things can make a big
difference. Things like actually asking her out on a date, an occasional
call from work, complementing her in front of her friends.
Here's a quote from a friend of mine, Debbie Anderson...
"Women do a lot of little things and men tend to do one big thing, but women
regard each little thing they do separately and equal, where men seem to
think that one big thing covers for all the little things! You see, that's a
big secret....if men could learn to do all the little things they wouldn't
need to do the big thing!"
Let her know you love her, and you will be plenty romantic enough, but "do"
show her that you love her.
What she really expects is for you to show her that you love and respect
her. That shouldn't be too hard should it?
Gary Caine - gcaine@singlescafe.net
Copyright 1999
Gary Caine is proprietor of The Singles Cafe
Put some adventure into your love life.
Visit The Singles Cafe at http://www.singlescafe.net
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