One of the hardest emotions for a man
to deal with isn't anger, sadness, or
depression. It's SHYNESS.
Shyness is the gateway to all the negative
emotions I just listed, because shyness is
the one thing that actually works to IMPEDE
us from achieving what we desire.
When a man gives into his shyness, he doesn't
talk to the women he likes. He doesn't take
a chance on making a new friend. He doesn't
do ANYTHING. He just sits by himself,
wallowing in self-pity and fear.
And before he knows it, his feelings of
loneliness and inadequacy become overwhelming,
and he becomes depressed.
All because he is shy.
So why does this happen? Why are some men so
prone to give into their shyness?
First, realize that shyness is a behavior that
stems from what MIGHT happen.
Let's say you see a girl you like, and want to
talk to. But before you can, all sorts of
scenarios flash through your mind...
You can see her rejecting you.
You can see her laughing at you.
You can see yourself being upset after saying
the wrong thing to her.
As I said - ANY NUMBER of possibilities exist.
And even if we're aware of it or not, these
possibilities run through our minds when we
feel the need to take action regarding a girl.
And our SHYNESS is a defense mechanism to try
and PROTECT ourselves from experiencing those
bad outcomes!
But the problem is that if we don't risk the
bad outcomes, we'll never get any GOOD outcomes
either!
At it's core, shyness is the fear of being
judged harshly. Someone who's shy doesn't
want to be subjected to the opinions of others,
typically because:
1. They believe those opinions will always be
negative
and
2. They do not have a strong sense of self esteem,
and feel vulnerable.
And it's even worse when dealing with a beautiful
girl because there's the element of "sexual validation"
at play. If a beautiful girl rejects us, not only is
it a harsh judgment, but we must also be UGLY too,
right?
And to make matters worse, shyness in men is
far more crippling than shyness in women.
A shy woman will still have men approaching and
pursuing her. However, because of the dynamics
of the dating game, shy men will rarely, if EVER,
be pursued by a woman - even if the woman LIKES him
and is attracted to him!
Shy guys often fantasize about having a woman
come up to them and ask them out. But this is
just a way to rationalize their shyness. In
their mind, they're hoping to be the one that
is pursued because then they don't have to risk
anything by being the pursuer.
However, this is never the case. 99% of women
wait for the men to come after THEM.
Essentially, you have shy guys isolating
themselves from success in love, not only
due to their inability to act, but also
due to their contentness to continue being
shy.
So what's the solution?
The only way to break through shyness is to adopt
different behaviors and thought patterns that
promote a better outcome.
One must learn to gain confidence in himself, so
that he is not vulnerable to the judgment of
others for his self esteem.
One must learn to take action when necessary, and
seize opportunities as they present themselves.
One must learn to see the positive outcomes as well
as the negative ones, and choose to strive for the
positive.
See - I used to be a "shy guy."
My efforts to meet and date the kind of women I
wanted were constantly being hindered by my shyness.
And you know what? IT SUCKED.
I was lonely, angry, and bitter because of my shyness.
But once I overcame it, a whole new world opened
up for me. I was able to meet the women I wanted.
I was getting lots of dates. I had wonderful women
in my life.
And THAT, my friend, is success!
So how can you do what I did?
Well, for starters, I would recommend you check
out my Art of Approaching home study course.
Rapport is all about learning how to connect to
people, and when you connect to someone, you feel
comfortable around them.
Too often, the anxiety shy guys experience around
women keeps them from succeeding. But learning
good, solid rapport skills will help you to relax
around the women you like.
More so than that - it will help you create attraction
in them that will make your job much easier!
Check out my Art of Approaching course here:
Check Out Art of Approaching Here!
It's a long process to overcome your shyness, but
it's well-worth the effort, because in the end,
when you overcome your shyness and find the woman
of your dreams, you'll be happier than you ever
thought possible.
Joseph Matthews
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