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Outward Focus Versus Inward Focus
by Evan Kline
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One of the secrets of successful seduction is being able to focus your consciousness outward.
The big mistake guys make is that they're too highly focused on their own internal dialogue, feelings, and sensations - and not paying attention to the woman in front of them and what's going on around them. Here's the difference between having an outward focus and having an inward focus:
OUTWARD FOCUS... INWARD FOCUS
Paying attention to a woman's responses... Paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings
Natural conversation flow based on her responses... Thinking of what to say next
Go with the flow... Results-oriented (ie. "I want to get her number")
Relaxed... Nervous or trying to psych-up confidence
Leading the situation... Reacting to the situation
Taking action takes precedence over thinking... Thinking takes precedence over taking action
When you're talking to your best friend and you feel completely comfortable, you're focused OUTWARD. You're paying attention to your friend's responses, going with the flow, and relaxed. You don't think to yourself, "What do I say next?" and you're not focused on your own feelings.
When you go out to meet women, or when you're holding a conversation with a woman, you also need to be OUTWARDLY focused. You should be talking with women as if they were just like your best friend, naturally and easily. If you're internally focused however, you get held back by "over-thinking", forced conversation, hesitation, and negative internal dialogue.
There are times when inward focus is great - like when solving a math problem or reading a book - but it's less than useful when interacting with other human beings.
For some of us, especially those in creative fields like art, music, programming, engineering, and so forth this is difficult because we spend so much time practicing being internally focused to do our work that we end up having a hard time operating outside of it.
The first step in gaining outward focus is to relax and start paying attention. For some people, they just need to be told this and they snap out of that inward state just like that. For others, they're so comfortable in that inward focus state that it's not so easy.
While how to be able to relax and focus outward on command is beyond the scope of this article, one way to practice focusing outward is to practice public speaking. Public speaking forces you to practice relaxation in front of other people, taking action, and leading a situation. And when you're speaking publicly, you can't be inside your head at the same time. Of course you may be nervous and really suck at it at first - but that's the whole point. You've spent so much time practicing inward focus that your outward focus skills are weak and you can't expect them to become terrific overnight. But they will improve.
If you want to take me up on my advice, join a Toastmasters club in your city (www.toastmasters.org).
And whatever you decide to do to improve your outward focus skills, remember to always have fun!
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