Today we're going to talk about tragedy. What a downer,
but it's gotta be done.
We're going to talk about The Tragedy of the Self-
Defeating Man. Catchy title, this might not be so bad.
Something that tends to happen with ALL men - and
especially those who haven't had as much success with
women - is they get stuck on ONE woman.
I don't mean they get trapped in a monogamous
relationship that is unhealthy. That's a different
newsletter.
Today, we're going to talk about the man who never
GETS to the romantic level with a woman. And it drives
him batty. It makes him try even HARDER to get her,
and he'll try again and again until she can't stand the
thought of him.
It's a natural reaction. Humans hate rejection. Faced with
one, NOTHING feels better than reversing it. We get into
a competition with whatever man we imagine she's
waiting for, and we're NOT going to lose.
And I think of baseball.
In baseball, unlike most other sports, you need to be
relaxed to succeed. You can't be too concerned about
any one at bat, or you literally choke the bat. You lose
your fluidness, you lose your rhythm, you tense up, and
you wind up choking yourself.
Women are the same way. If you strike out, the WORST
thing you can do is try NOT to strike out again. The
BEST thing you can do is take your next at-bat like you
would in a batting cage. Relaxed and allowing your swing
to be natural.
Ok, this metaphor has gone too far. Let's get back to
simple reality.
When a guy fails to get romantic with a woman he's
attracted to and he becomes MORE determined to get
her, he winds up suffocating her with attention. He
chases her, and what do we do when we're chased?
We run away.
Worse, the woman gets built up in the guy's mind to this
elusive perfect creature, and the rejection sting just gets
WORSE the more time and thought he puts into her. He
feels MORE attraction, and the more he feels, the farther
away she runs.
Enough tragedy, let's get healthy.
First, the woman is almost CERTAINLY not as great as
you think she is. You start off attracted physically, but
the more beautiful women you meet, the more you
realize they are as screwed up as everyone else.
Sometimes more, because they wind up with a skewed
view of the world because of their beauty.
What's more, people always try to put their best foot
forward when first meeting someone, and you can wind
up with a more positive image than the complete reality
warrants.
Combine your pedestal view of the woman with the need
to overcome rejection and the forbidden fruit, you wind up
with an unhealthy obsession that just drives the woman
away and makes you miserable.
You can know all this and still do it, so you need to
remind yourself often.
A woman who is attractive, intelligent, sane, and has her
life together is REALLY rare. You can date a different
woman every night for a year and not find one. And you
CERTAINLY aren't going to know if the current woman
you are interested in is one of these rare creatures until
you've spent a LOT of time with her.
And you'll NEVER find out if you spend all your time
chasing her away.
The solution? RELAX. Let go of love-at-first-sight dreams
- if it happens, then there won't be any rejections to
worry about anyway. MOST of the time we're dealing with
lust-at-first-sight, and we get confused about it as other
emotions push us into pursuit.
When a woman isn't interested, the healthiest thing you
can do for BOTH of you is to say that most powerful
word, you know the one, all together now:
NEXT.
Forcing yourself on a woman NEVER works. It doesn't
have to be the creepy afternoon special forcing yourself
either, just PUSHING too hard is a major turn-off.
You need to remember that the girl you're thinking about,
most likely, ISN'T as special as you think. There are
PLENTY of others out there, and plenty of THEM WILL
be interested in you.
Why waste your time on one who isn't?
The best thing you can do is go out and meet tons of
women. As you have more success you'll get a better
grasp of what kinds of women are out there. You'll also
start to realize that, as perfect as one might seem at
first, rarely does that impression last forever.
IF you've been out with numerous women AND you're
seeing one who seems like everything you've ever wanted
AND you still think that after months of dating, great.
You've found her.
But UNTIL you've done that, you really can't know. So let
that logical brain supercede the emotional one and
realize your early impressions AREN'T THAT
ACCURATE.
That's no fault of yours. You just don't have enough data
points to really know who she is.
But while this is all very logical, it doesn't really help the
EMOTIONAL aspect, which almost always rules us
humans no matter how much we try to argue it down.
So the key is to AVOID THE EMOTIONAL from the get-
go. Stop yourself from prematurely getting emotionally
involved.
Learn to say NEXT from the beginning. Don't look at each
new woman you meet as a potential ANYTHING except a
learning experience. When you finally DO meet a woman
who meets your highest expectations, you'll know it's
REAL because she had to convince you.
If you stop yourself from getting emotionally attached, it's
much easier to let a woman who's not interested go.
Once you're emotionally invested, it's tough to let go,
even if you KNOW that it's based on nothing but your
own WANT and has nothing to do with her.
You want an exercise, do you? Ok, here's an easy one.
The next five women you are attracted to, talk to them.
Establish rapport. Do everything you would do if you
wanted to create attraction.
And then let her go. DON'T pursue her at all, don't get a
number, just take mental notes of what works well and
what doesn't, so you can use it in future interactions.
Which should happen in the same frame - each
approach is just practice for the next.
Oddly enough, you'll find that nonchalance has an
ENCHANTING affect on women, and you might have
some start to show a lot of interest in you.
Refuse them! That's right, I'm telling you to turn down
sex, if it comes to that. I'm an evil evil sensei.
If one winds up so desperate that you just can't help it,
then when you progress romantically, remember that
YOU are doing HER the favor. You're breaking a
disciplined practice to satiate this begging lady.
What a gallant guy you are, eh?
Carry this attitude around, and you should be able to
avoid the irrational attachment to the ones who get away.
No more tragedy. Hello happy aesthetic life full of women
who want to be near you. Instead of YOU chasing THEM
and driving them away, you want to get THEM chasing
YOU.
All it takes is changing the frame of your interactions.
Don't chase. They'll be so surprised - all men chase
these beautiful women - that they'll wind up intrigued
and, eventually, they WILL chase you.
And that's when you can get picky.
Maybe I'm not such an evil sensei after all.
REMEMBER, you aren't going to know what a woman is
really like on that first meeting. Unless you study
psychology, communication and hidden behavior in-
depth, the best foot forward and the real foot back are
just too different to be seen immediately.
Of course, you CAN pick my brain, as I've done a lot of
study and I can pass on some of what I've learned. You
can find everything you need to get your game up to par
in my books, found on Seduction Science 3rd Edition, now in MP3
Format
Continue practicing relaxed confidence to radically
improve your game and the quality of women you bring
into your life.
Until Next Time,
Derek Vitalio
PS. In addition, you'll learn other ways to help you say NEXT,
like confidence-building and positive-loop exercises that
get your head in the right place when you are first
meeting women. Check them out in the Masculinity
Enhancement Deep Inner Game Series.
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