I've been on these forums as well as the previous BAP forums for quite some time now, and have seen all manner of AFC's rise and fall. Hell, I was a wbAFC back when I started.
Witnessing all of the Field Reports and Baby Steps thread, I've been able to compile a list of the Top 10 Mistakes Recovering AFC's Make as well as some tips to help curve the bad habits.
10) Saying, Not Showing
Reading through the field reports, IM game especially, I'll notice that newcomers will say things like "Yea, I'm really cocky" or "I'm way too confident for that". Instead of showing there positive traits through their actions, many rAFC's try to verbalize them to make sure that the girls notice.
Even if you aren't technically bragging, you shouldn't try to verbalize your attractive qualities to a woman. Now I know we throw around words like "Cocky and Funny" and "Confident" and "Alpha", but you should never tell a girl you are any of those, it will always appear like you are bragging, which is a major DLV.
Instead, show them through your actions. If you are using IM or Phone game, tell them through stories instead of being so direct. It will be much more effective
9) Oneitis
rAFC's often get caught up in the first girl they successfully use there skills on, and will focus so much on escalation with one successful close that they'll forget to keep gaming.
Always make sure that if things are going slow with one, you'll have a back up waiting. And if you don't have a back up, make sure you make plans to find one.
8) Ignoring IOI's
Two mistakes happen with this. Either rAFC's steamroll past there checkpoints and go for closes too quickly, or they are oblivious to the IOI's and stay in one stage far too long, both resulting in a bad close, if one at all.
Remember, 3 strong IOI's or 1 SOI and move on the next stage. Keep a sharp eye out, because those green flags are what you need to pass Go and collect $200.
7) Caring Too Much About Successful Closes
"What if she gives me a fake number?"
"What if she thinks my openers weird?"
"What if she rejects me?"
'What if?' 'What if?' What if you lived a little? Take a chance, make a mistake and learn something new from it! The worst that can happen is that she'll say "No" and you can move on with your life (she probably has crabs anyways).
Fun, Not Outcome. Live by those words. Keep your eye on the prize, but don't stress over it. Have fun, it's called "The Game" for a reason.
6) Caring Too Little About Successful Closes
Now this one's a little bit more rare, but that much more dangerous.
This comes from people who try all the crazy, embarrassing ways to get rid of Approach Anxiety and end up getting stuck on that stage of improvement. They'll spend months doing the Nipple Flick technique to try to harden their skin, but they're not improving beyond that.
Look, you're not afraid of women anymore if you can get a girl to touch your nipple without a bead of sweat. You're just afraid of SUCCESS.
Weird, right? That's probably the worst thing to be afraid of. Maybe it's just a fear of change. Either way, the best way to get over any fear is to face it head on. Just force yourself to approach, and the fear will go away by itself eventually.
5) Not Escalating Quickly Enough
This sort of ties in with 8, but has more to do with lacking courage than plain ignorance.
Many rAFC's just put off escalating, the kiss especially, way too long. They see the IOI's, but they figure they might as well just wait for one more, or two ... or 10. Then, she loses interest and he's stuck in the FZ wondering "Why?"
Simple, you need to push the barrier. A sexual relationship is all about escalation. Without it, you're just friends, and who wants to be friends with a girl? That's what I thought.
Don't think about it. When you feel in your gut the timing is right, just go for it. You'll be glad you did.
4) Out of Personality Experience
rAFC's look for role models to follow and help guide them through the difficult transition. They try to base these role models of what they want to become.
However, we all want what we can't have, and tend to go for styles completely parallel to our own personality, and end up coming off as fake or a poser, and the techniques will never work in your favor.
Instead, find a style that is congruent with your personality. If you're a spaz nice guy, go for the party pumper. If you're a silent introvert, go for the badass style. Or, use TNB's WOW system and create your own style based off of your unique personality.
3) Focus Your Aim
Many guys starting off going for women much lower than what they should be going for. Approaching a few 4's and 5's are good for practice every once in a while, but you're not reaching your full potential. Set your sites high!
Start out a little lower, and constantly work your way up. Never settle for less than you deserve. You're working hard to improve, you deserve results which reflect that (and by results, I mean the gorgeous dames!)
2) Being Dicks
Oh yeah, the big one.
Every guy starting out ends up being a huge dick to all of his TOI's because he tries to neg, tease, and ignore the target too much and not build rapport at all. Whether it's bad timing or being too harsh, everyone ends up doing it too much.
If you push away your target too much, that's what you're going to eventually accomplish.
Really, there' no cure for it. You have to find your own balance. Just remember, the neg isn't meant to be the go-to technique. You don't want to torment your target, only use them raise your own value slightly and lower hers. Use it sparingly, especially with less attractive women.
Now this one is big, and the cause of pretty much all of the other problems for rAFC's, so pay attention boys ...
1) Not Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone.
That's right, the number one killer of rAFC's and one of the main reason they go back to AFC's, or worse, keyboard jockeys.
Moving out of your comfort zone is one of the most difficult parts of becoming a PUA. It's what separates the boys from the men, and the men from the REAL men.
Whether it's approaching, escalating, closing, it's all a step out of the ordinary for most rAFC's, and overcoming this fear of the unknown is the first step to victory. When you read most success stories and get to the part where the guy starts to rapidly improve, that's usually when he breaks out of his comfort zone.
Unfortunately, the best advice I can give you is to push yourself, but that's all the advice you'll ever need. Push yourself to be great, push yourself to make mistakes, push yourself to be a PUA. It will be difficult at times, and you'll crave the sweet comfort of mediocrity, but you must be persistent.
The results will come, but those too are out of your comfort zone. You need to ask yourself "Am I willing to risk the ordinary to achieve the extraordinary?"
This article was first published on The Seduction University, which is a free message forum for men to share their ideas and views on seduction. The author of this article is a member of the university, and you can be one too. Check it out, you'll find many more articles like this one.
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