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How To Make The First Approach
by Ann May
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Like it or not, it is men who generally have to make the first move in the human mating ritual. Some men feel that this is unfair and may argue that they have to do all the work while women merely stand there, wait for the approaching males and take their pick. They can then choose to either allow men the privilege of a little time in their company or simply reject them. I see that as looking at things from a negative viewpoint.
Another way for a man to look at things is that it puts you in the position of power. Yes, that’s right, you are the one calling the shots. Why? Well, put yourself in a woman’s position for a moment. Imagine that the girl of your dreams was just across the room, but you were prevented from approaching them by social protocol. As much as you wanted to, you could only send discreet signals to this girl and hope that she was not too shy to approach you. If she did not approach, for whatever reason, you would never know why not. Was she shy, did she not pick up your signals or was she simply not interested?
This is not a powerful position to be in and, take it from me, it can be a very frustrating one. You are the lucky ones, guys. You hold all the cards. You are the hunter and can choose your prey rather than wait forever for the approach to come. Your destiny is in your own hands. You can make your choice and move forward for the approach. This is natural. It is what is expected of you by society. It is what women want. Count your blessings – you are in control.
Even if you do get turned down, at least you are out of your misery and can move on. I know women who have waited months, even years, for an approach that they thought was imminent, before giving up.
Many men suffer nightmares about actually approaching a girl. This is understandable in some respects, I suppose. You are in the spotlight at these times and are expected to get out there and perform. But it is not all bad. As discussed above, you are actually in control. So what if you have to live with a bit of fear?
Some useful tips to initiate conversations are listed below.
Wait until she brushes behind you, then turn to her as if your ass has been pinched and playfully say something like, “Hey! Do you mind?”
Make a note of the color of her drink and get one with the same or similar color for yourself. Position yourself near to her and put your drink next to hers. You can then pretend to pick up her drink by mistake. When she realizes your error, you can be very apologetic and offer to order her another drink, thus a conversation is initiated.
Time your approach to the bar just before hers. Indicate to the barman that he should serve her first, then make a remark like, “The art of chivalry is still alive and kicking in this bar”. Your gesture should ensure a positive response and improve your chances of a successful approach.
Another technique a good friend swears by is to get a bit of mileage out of her profession. You should have something prepared for when you find out what she does for a living. You will find that most people fall into a small number of professions, so you can easily categorize these and prepare some lines. You should think of some tame ones for the cautious woman and some more risky ones for the more adventurous woman.
Some powerful ideas for such openers plus a template to create your own unique conversation starters can be found in How To Be A Lady Killer.
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