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It has happened to so many people. You turned the corner on the street, were in an unexpected place at an unexpected time, or dropped by a bar with colleagues ... only to see your lover in what could only be construed as a romantic embrace with another person.
Stop. Take a deep breath. Don't take that next step and act through the red haze of anger. Betrayal is one of the worst things a lover can do to their partner. Yet false accusations of betrayal can almost be as bad and can tear a relationship apart.
Before you take an emotional leap or jump to false conclusions, you can act rationally. Communicate first; accuse later. When my friend Carl dropped by his wife's workplace as a surprise, he was dumbfounded to see her standing on the street in a full, passionate embrace with another man.
His heart hit the bottom of his gut. He took three deep breaths and needed every ounce of courage he possessed to walk up to the couple and calmly make his presence known. His wife's face turned white when she saw his expression. She immediately stepped back. "Hello, Carl. This is Andrew, my old study partner from school." Andrew, not sensing that anything was wrong, turned to Carl with a friendly hello.
What did Carl do right? He let his partner explain the situation. He took time to process what she said and his own emotions. He took deep breaths. And he discovered that his worst fear was baseless. The man turned out to be someone that his wife knew ages ago: someone she cares about, but, clearly, no threat to their relationship.
Jealousy is one of the most toxic emotions you can experience, because it is a combination of feelings. It is anger plus fear, anxiety, hurt, helplessness, insecurity, possessiveness, rivalry, vengefulness, self- blame, and the threat of abandonment. Since relationships are built on strong emotions, it is hard to remain rational.
When your partner relates to others in an intimate manner, you may easily perceive her actions as a threat to your relationship. Her actions may seem frightening, as they threaten your status as Number One in your partner's eyes. These feelings are compounded if you feel insecure within yourself and your relationship.
There is a strong possessive quality to jealousy. But possessiveness is destructive. It demolishes the personal development, independence, and freedom your partner needs to become the person the person she wants to be. If you are not growing yourself, your partner's growth might seem threatening to you. As a result, you might become jealous, limiting her relationships and experiences with others, monitoring her activities, and accusing her of being unfaithful and betraying your trust.
If your partner is attracted to someone else, jealousy can erupt with sudden and extreme severity. But if your partner is loyal to your relationship, nothing will come of it. People do feel attraction to others; it is part of life's erotic play. But that does NOT mean that your partner will act on this attraction. You are still attracted to other women, aren't you? You should trust your partner enough to know that that, when she spots an attractive man, she will do the same thing you do--keep walking right by.
If you are prone to jealousy, you might speculate about what you think your partner is doing now and might do in the future. You need to realize that your feelings about your partner are the issue, not your partner.
When you are jealous, everything is a forgone conclusion for you. You are sure your importance in your partner's eyes has been diminished. You are certain that you will lose her if you don't put a stop to her "extracurricular" activities. Because of your fears and insecurities, losing her is the only future you can envision.
But this has nothing to do with reality. It has everything to do with being jealous.
Being jealous means that you try to manipulate your partner's relationships with others. If you tell your partner how jealous you feel about her friendship with someone else, she may feel so bad about it that she will end the relationship to make you feel more secure and less jealous. The problem is that jealousy can become a never-ending response to every friendship your partner has. Eventually, she will feel suffocated by your demands and the very thing you fear will happen--she will leave you. In other words, jealousy creates its own self-fulfilling prophecies.
HOW TO HANDLE JEALOUSY
If the jealousy in your relationship is not severe but is still a problem, it can be modified. Here are some solutions:
If your lover acts jealous of your relationships, you must assure your partner that you love her and value her company and ideas. Show her more affection. Leave her notes telling her that you love her. Surprise her with gifts. Giver your partner reason to trust you and show her that she is loved and is special.
If you are the jealous person, you crave assurances that you are loved and special. You also know that your jealousy intensifies if you feel you are being ignored or discounted. You need constant reassurance that you are loved, and when love is offered to you, you should allow yourself to feel loved.
The best way to handle jealousy is to confront it honestly and see it as something that needs to be managed and changed. You and your partner can and should discuss the specific wounds you both received from rejection, abandonment, and other painful events that may be part of your personal histories. Working on jealousy honestly and lovingly is a difficult process, but it can bring two people closer together than they were before.
The most intense form of jealousy develops when your partner is extremely dependent on you, emotionally and socially. If your partner develops and values her independence, and she is not totally reliant on you for her emotional and social nourishment, the less jealous she will be. Being irresistibly attractive to women requires you to be romantically intelligent. That means taking pride in your partner's independence, her ability to have her own circle of friends, interests, and projects. Increasing self-reliance decreases jealousy considerably and causes it to lose its bite.
In my book How to be Irresistible to Women, there are whole chapters on other incredibly important secrets that will have women dropping at your feet, such as how to be incredibly funny, how to seduce, how to pick up good-looking women, and much, much more. You can download it at my website.
Warm regards,
Matthew Whiting
Author : How to be Irresistible to Women
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About the author:
Matthew Whiting is a professional writer specializing in dating and relationship advice. He has extensive experience in training men to maximize their seduction potential and ability to interact with women successfully. He is considered by many to be an expert in his field with his frank and forthright approach. He is best known for his work in "How to Be Irresistible to Women."
His product is a compilation of 7 life-changing e-books, a complete 16-part audio course, and a host of exclusive Members Articles. The "How to Be Irresistible to Women" package offers single men a dynamic and comprehensive tool-kit to attract women and establish an honest and supportive relationship. You can learn more about how to attract the woman of your dreams at his website
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